I was turned down by the endocrinologist for HRT.

 She cited my age as the main factor and some familial factors as secondary.  The thing is, the familial factors she cited were just so much BS.  Yes, my father died of a heart attack but it was during surgery for cancer and was his third surgery in a year.  My middle brother died of what we think was a heart attack but not sure.  However he was born premature, in bad health as a child, was never expected to live to be an adult and it's amazing he lived as long as he did. So like I said it was just so much BS.  I have friends who are both trans and quite knowledgeable on HRT from a scientific end and they agree.  So my therapist has already faxed another recommendation letter to another endo here.  He actually co-wrote the book on endocrine therapy for transgender people so I'm going to get a second opinion from him.  There is also the option of informed consent.  My wife is bound and determined, come hell or high water, we are going to find a way for me to begin HRT.

My brain is running a thousand miles a minute

I am at the same time, excited and terrified.  I have my first appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow and my emotions are all over the place.  I am of course excited and one line from the Phil Collins song, In the Air keeps going through my head.  "Well I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord."  At the same time I'm terrified.  This is a big step for both Dee and myself.  Plus what if the blood  tests find some reason I shouldn't be on HRT?  Would I be able to live with that disappointment?  I don't know.  I just don't know.  I'm trying to think positive but that thought just keeps nagging me.