Yesterday was National Coming Out Day and I posted this elsewhere. I thought I would share it here for others to read.
Well, it’s National Coming Out Day so I’ll tell the story of the first
time I came out to anyone and other experiences. It was Thanksgiving
weekend and my fiancée and I walked down to the river at the
back of the apartment complex where she lived. We sat on the bank and
talked for a few minutes before I got up the courage to tell her I am
transgender. Oh, we didn’t have that word back then and I have no idea
what words I used. I was more frightened than at any other time in my
life so what I said, I have no idea. But I was convinced I would be
told the wedding was off and she never wanted to see me again. Also, I
was taking a huge chance because I was in the Navy at the time and some
of my buddies were friends with her roommates. So if it became known to
them and that got back to my command, I would have been given, at best,
a general discharge rather than honorable discharge. But none of that
happened. She asked me some questions and I seem to remember her saying
something on the order of, “You’ll quit this after we’re married,”
which of course I agreed to. (If you’re trans and reading this, you know
how well that always works out!) Over the years we have adjusted with,
to be honest, me gaining and her accepting those gains. Now we are at a
point that I know she hoped would never come but I suspect she knew it
would eventually happen with me beginning transition. Over the years
in between, I came out to a few people who I knew were safe eventually
progressing to the point where everyone I worked with knew I was trans.
So that brings me to this year. Early this year, we mailed coming out
letters to family regarding my transition and the results were almost
all positive. Oh, it took some people longer than others to come around
and I’m sure there is still a lack of understanding. I received
beautiful messages, all addressed to Beverly, from my wife’s brothers.
One family member who is very important to me, I told in person, or
rather gave him the letter in person because I didn’t trust myself to be
able to get through an explanation. His response was classic. Halfway
through the first page of the letter, he looked at me and said, “You
know, this explains a lot from when we were kids.” Halfway through the
second page, “Why didn’t you do this years ago?” After finishing the
letter, he turned around, hugged me and told me, ‘I’ve always loved you
and I always will.” We were standing in the parking lot of the
restaurant where we had eaten lunch and we each headed our separate
ways, I suspect more to make sure neither of us started crying more than
anything else.
This doesn’t mean it’s all been perfect. One
family member whom I love very much as cut off all contact with me. And
it hurts. Oh, I know this person feels betrayed, feels I lied to them
for years and I understand that, I really do. It doesn’t make it hurt
less but I do understand and it doesn’t mean I love them any less. So
for those who are on the verge of coming out, it may go great or there
may be some rocks in the road. But remember, rocks in the road are as
much a part of life as a smooth freeway. When you come out, prepare for
the worst, hope for the best and accept anything in between.
