How I talked to the doctor about the orchiectomy

I realized I never talked about the initial conversation with my urologist about the orchiectomy.  He had been treating me for orchalgia (chronic testicle pain) and had done a nerve block to see if that would stop the pain.  The night of the nerve block I was saying crap that hurts but the next day was fine.  While it worked for a few weeks, the pain came back.  About a week or so after the nerve block I had my appointment with the therapist where she recommended the orchiectomy along with HRT.  She was going to recommend me to a surgeon here in town who will do the orchi with a therapists letter but I mentioned I wanted to approach my doctor first.  At the previous appointment he had said something about having to do a removal of part of the testicle if the pain persisted.  I made the comment that, at my age, I wasn't that worried about it which is when he said, "Yes but your wife still wants a husband, not a sister."  I was laughing so hard I was about to fall off the table and my wife was giggling.  So I decided to use that as my opening at the next appointment.  I asked if he remembered the remark and he said he did so I launched into my explanation of being trans and that my wife has long had a "sister" so to speak.  I told him the recommendation from my therapist for the orchiectomy and that she was going to refer me to another surgeon but I wanted to speak to him first.  We talked about it a little more and he agreed, with a letter from my therapist to do the surgery.  One thing we did talk about was insurance.  He said he would write it up as high cancer risk in the right side and a chronic epididymitis, a chronic inflamation that sometimes has no known cause on the left side, both of which were true.  Antibiotics would clear mine up for a week or two but then the pain was right back.  But writing it up this way for the insurance company and not mentioning transgender would allow insurance to pay for it.  And they did.  Out of a several thousand dollar bill for surgery, a surgical theater and recovery, I think I paid less than $100.  Not a bad price considering a local doctor charges something like $5000 and doesn't take insurance!

The day of the surgery, we got there about 8:30, I was in for surgery 10:30, woke up in recovery around noon and leaving around 1.  I was hungry and not hurting so we stopped and got something to eat.  To go of course since I really wasn't up to going in for a sit down meal but we did sit at the table at home and eat with no problem.  Although I did sit down gingerly.  But I sat and ate before I went and laid down.  One thing that apparently comes with castration is leakage from the incision. You'll be wearing a maxipad for more than a week.  I really NEVER thought I would hear my wife ask me if I had check my maxi-pad and if there was too much blood, had I changed it?

Hormone Replacement Therapy

I started HRT on June 2 with estradiol twice a day for now.  I will see my endocrinologist in a couple of months at which point he will increase my dosage.  But it's amazing the effect the hormones have had in such a short time.  It's like my emotions have been unchained.

For many years I have buried my emotions deep within me and very little affected me other than occasional anger. Deaths of very close relatives were met with just the usual day to day feeling nothing.  A lot of that was caused by being my mother's caregiver in her home for years.  In an eight year period, I probably spent less than four weeks away from the house with the biggest break being a one week trip to Ireland.  So I learned to bury my emotions including my gender dysphoria and feel basically nothing.  I'm sure I was depressed during some of that time; I mean what do you have to look forward to when your day/week/year consists of getting someone up, making sure they get dressed, fixing breakfast, getting them settled, preparing lunch, getting them settled, cooking dinner, getting them settled and finally off to bed.  My wife was still in our home in another state working so she commuted on the weekends and would give me a little break from cooking.  Thankfully I am retired from an airline and she could fly space available.  And even after mom and my brother were gone, no emotions.  Until last fall and then it was a crash.  Now with HRT, the day seems brighter plus my wife says I am much happier and more affectionate.  It's made a BIG difference.

What A Birthday Present!

My birthday was Thursday, 7/28.  I got a lot of wonderful gifts from my wife, a couple of nice tops and some beautiful skirts along with three very nice rings.  But the most wonderful gift was totally unexpected.  I would NEVER in my life have thought I would hear a woman stand in front of the Democratic National Convention, or any political convention for that matter, and proclaim, "I am a proud transgender American!"  I've had some great birthdays in the past but listening to Sarah McBride speak to the DNC made Thursday the greatest birthday of my life!  Maybe the first birthday after GRS will match this but nothing will ever top it.

On another note, there were twenty-eight trans delegates at the DNC and none that I know of at the RNC.  There were even only 18 African American delegates at the RNC.  So if diversity is important to you, then you know where to find it.  I'm proud to say I've personally known one of the delegates 19 years, another 18 years.  A third is a Facebook friend at her request.  So I knew about 10 percent of the trans delegates.  I feel I'm getting back into the community and maybe in a year I will be back where I was.

Update on coming out to family

As I noted before, my wife and I sent out letters to family and friends regarding my upcoming transition.  I said I got a lukewarm response from my wife's sister but that only lasted a day.  After that, she was fine which I thought would happen since her grandchild is transitioning female to male.  I also said I got a lukewarm response from my brother.  Well, the text message was actually from my brothers wife.  I have since found out my brother will not acknowledge me or talk about it at all.  To be honest, knowing my brother, this is exactly what I expected.  My sister-in-law said it may take him a long time to come around if he ever does.  Oh well, time will tell.

HRT Approved

I had an appointment yesterday, May 20, with a second endocrinologist.  Earlier this year, I was turned down by another doctor who gave me a bunch of BS reasons she wouldn't approve it.  I came home that day and was laying on the bed with a pillow over my head screaming and crying.  After that, I just laid and stared at the wall for three or four hours.  It was a very dark time for a week or two.  That changed yesterday.  I had a 2:30 appointment and was called back exactly at 2:30!  Yeah, I know.  Amazing, right?  The nurse took my vitals and very shortly, a younger doctor came in.  She told me she worked with the doctor I was seeing and she wanted to get some background.  She was looking through my file, mentioned the letter from my therapist also recommended an orchiectomy.  I told her it was already done on 4/26.  So she did some evaluation of my health, then went and talked to the main endocrinologist.  I told my wife I wasn't happy she didn't mention blood tests and didn't have a good feeling.  My wife simply said a prayer.  So the older doctor comes in with the one who had evaluated me.  He sits and talks for a couple of moments and says he sees no reason I shouldn't start HRT.  When I was turned down by the other doctor, I started crying in her office and when he said he was approving me, I started crying again although for a totally different reason.  We also talked about my therapist and he seems to have a very high opinion of her plus we talked about Southern Comfort Conference which he went to last year.  So anyway I had to go down stairs to the clinic for them to draw blood to check baseline hormone levels, check kidney and liver functions.  If everything comes back ok, he will send a prescription for estrogen to my pharmacy, probably the middle of next week.  I have had both kidney and liver function tests in the last six months so I know they will be ok.  So next week, God willing, I will be on a starting low dose HRT.  I see the endo again in four months and we will up the dosage.  Look out world!

Two Week Orchiectomy Update - Hot Flashes Are A Bitch!

Yes, the hot flashes have started and OMG!  I had one just before the start of church Sunday and one of my friends was laughing at me when she realized why I was fanning myself with the bulletin.  Anyway, I had my two week checkup yesterday and the doctor says I'm doing fine.  I have been so impressed with him.  He actually called and talked to Dr. Christine McGinn who is a GRS surgeon regarding how to do the incision.  He must have talked with her a while or done a lot of research because he talked about how the surgery is done.  Not many doctors would have done that for a patient.  I told him that I appreciated the fact he has treated me with dignity and respect, something transgender people don't always get.

Five Day Update On Orchiectomy

Five days and still almost no pain.   This evening I've had just a slight ache in the abdomen but no more than a 1.  Still a little watery leakage showing in the pad and I have to admit one thing I never thought I would hear my wife ask me is, "Have you checked your maxi pad and changed it?"  I don't know what the timing is but I'm pretty sure I had a testosterone crash on Friday.  I felt like a vampire had bit me in the neck sucking every bit of energy from my body and last night had a major hot flash.  I haven't noticed any emotional changes yet but I'm sure there will be because there are side effects with castration just like with anything else.