Seldom is someone able to actually picture themselves in a movie. Unless you're one of the rare individuals who has been a fighter pilot, you can't really know what it's like to fly a Tomcat in Top Gun. And no matter how great your imagination, that's all it will ever be, imagining, when you watch the Star Wars movies. But for many of us, The Danish Girl is different. This is a movie a lot of us have lived or are currently living.
I admit I kind of laughed when Einar was walking through the theater and feeling the material of the costumes. I thought how many times have I followed my wife through the ladies clothing in Sears, Macy's or another department store with my hand down to my side feeling the soft materials. As Einar became Lili more and more, I cried because I saw so much of me in Lili. When Gerda is crying and telling Lili she needs to speak to her husband, I cried for my wife who over the next few months will be watching her husband fade slowly away and her new wife take his place. I cried for the love Gerda and Lili shared just like the love my wife and I share. The love of my wife to stay with me through transition from male to female, the transition from married heterosexual couple to married lesbian couple. Gerda and Lili were not allowed to stay married at that time but thankfully my wife and I are. That's what is so great about this movie for many of us who are transgender. We don't have to imagine what it's like to be the protagonist, we either are or have been Lili. Just as Gerda and Lili were forced to have their marriage annulled, many of us have lost loved ones due to transition. Just as Gerda's love for Lili lasted past their annulment, some of our relationships have lasted as we transition.
So as I said, we don't have to use our imaginations with The Danish Girl, we understand Lili's feelings. We are Lili and it's not a movie to us. It is our real life.
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