Another Talk

My wife asked me straight up last night if I was planning on transitioning.  I told her I wished to God I could tell her yes or no but I couldn't because I don't even know.  I just don't know.  I mean I really feel silly at my age although there have certainly been people who transitioned who were far older than me.  But on the other hand my head feels like it's going to explode.  My gender issues are the first thing I think about in the morning, the last thing I think about at night and in my head all day long.  I know my wife is scared about what's going to happen, what her brothers and sister will say and especially will I, or even worse we, be cut off from our grandchildren. But then I'm scared too.  I'm scared of the same things although her family members we rarely see anyway.  I would hate being cut off from my grandchildren but again, we only get to see them once or twice a year.  I know for a fact my younger brother would have nothing to do with me but he's almost 600 miles away.  No, the one person would be a member of my extended family who is the same age as me and has been like a brother since we were infants.  Losing him would hurt a lot.  But I'm also scared of other things.  I worry about the reaction of people I deal with occasionally and the reaction of people around town.  Although we live just a mile from the city limits of a huge city, we're still in a suburb that's not known as LGBT friendly.  But the thing that scares me the most is violence.  You see, I had a very good transgender friend who got out of her car one afternoon and got her mail out of her mailbox when someone shot her twice in the back of the head.  I became almost paranoid about my personal security when that happened.

Well, I'm seeing a therapist next week on an intake consultation.  I don't know what's going to happen but I do know this.  I can't do nothing.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

My wife and I attended a TDoR service last night.  If you don't know what that is, it's a service held on Nov. 20 of each year to remember those who have died from violence simply because they are transgender.  In the U.S. 22 trans women died this past year, almost double the number from the three previous years.  But here is a really cruel statistic.  In Brazil, 66 trans people were killed this past year that are known about.  Including a 16 year old, and a 24 year old and a woman of unknown age who were all stoned to death!  Including an 18 year old in Sao Paulo beaten to death by police. Including a 15 year old who was shot, a 13 year old who was beaten and stabbed multiple times.  This is in a country that is promoting itself lately on how progressive it is.  A country hosting the 2016 Olympics.  So, want to do some activism?  See if you can energize your local GLBT community to write to both NBC or at least your local affiliate to demand their news section point out the murder rate in Brazil.  Sure people will say that won't work but we never know until we try.