The other night after the Transgender Day of Remembrance service, my wife and I stopped for something to eat. At the service I had seen my former therapist and told her I really needed to see her again. So when we sat down to eat, my wife asked me why I needed to see my therapist. I said it was just that I was having a hard time coping with my gender dysphoria right now and needed some help.
I explained to my wife the reason I need to see her is simple. I told my wife while I can talk to her and while she is wonderfully understanding/sympathetic, it's impossible for her to understand what I'm going through. My therapist, being transgender, can understand. You see, I've known since I was around four years old something about me was wrong. From the time my grandmother taught me to say my prayers at bedtime, I always said a silent prayer that I would wake up the next morning and be a girl. I guess the easiest way to describe it is when I was four there was this whisper that I didn't understand was her trying to get out. As I got older she got a little louder and more persistent. She would get out on occasion when I got to dress in my mom's clothes and she would be quiet for a short while before she wanted out again. As the years went by, she became more demanding wanting out more often and for longer periods of time. I explained to my wife that now it was to the point she was screaming to get out and if I did let her out, she would NEVER go back again. So I explained I needed to talk to my therapist to see what direction we, because my wife is included in this, need to go. Do I need to proceed to HRT, probably put someone's child through college paying for electrolysis, or what.
What's going to happen? I wish I knew but I'm scared of where this may go.
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