A Different Vacation

During the years my wife and I took care of my mom, we rarely got a vacation.  Even when we did get one, many times it was just three or four days in a cabin in the mountains.  At the end of the month, we are heading for Fort Lauderdale for some fun times at Southern Comfort Transgender Conference.  I attended SC in 1997 and 1998 through 2002, I was a staff member of the conference when it was still held in Atlanta.  At that time, I facilitated, with a trans man, the Big Brother/Big Sister program which paired newcomers to the conference with experienced conference attendees.  In some cases, it was actually the first time out in public for some of the newcomers which was my situation in 1997.  There wasn't a program in 97 and it took me something like 2 hours and 5 attempts to even open the door and go down to register.  At the end of the conference there was a meeting for those who wanted to volunteer which I did.  A couple of months after that, I was asked by the conference chairperson to start the program which we originally were only aiming at trans women but then we added it for trans men also. 

Now, I'm going back to the conference as a trans woman beginning her transition rather than the part time person I was back then.  I'm so looking forward to seeing old friends and meeting new people like Sarah McBride who spoke at the DNC this year.  It's going to be an amazing week!

How I talked to the doctor about the orchiectomy

I realized I never talked about the initial conversation with my urologist about the orchiectomy.  He had been treating me for orchalgia (chronic testicle pain) and had done a nerve block to see if that would stop the pain.  The night of the nerve block I was saying crap that hurts but the next day was fine.  While it worked for a few weeks, the pain came back.  About a week or so after the nerve block I had my appointment with the therapist where she recommended the orchiectomy along with HRT.  She was going to recommend me to a surgeon here in town who will do the orchi with a therapists letter but I mentioned I wanted to approach my doctor first.  At the previous appointment he had said something about having to do a removal of part of the testicle if the pain persisted.  I made the comment that, at my age, I wasn't that worried about it which is when he said, "Yes but your wife still wants a husband, not a sister."  I was laughing so hard I was about to fall off the table and my wife was giggling.  So I decided to use that as my opening at the next appointment.  I asked if he remembered the remark and he said he did so I launched into my explanation of being trans and that my wife has long had a "sister" so to speak.  I told him the recommendation from my therapist for the orchiectomy and that she was going to refer me to another surgeon but I wanted to speak to him first.  We talked about it a little more and he agreed, with a letter from my therapist to do the surgery.  One thing we did talk about was insurance.  He said he would write it up as high cancer risk in the right side and a chronic epididymitis, a chronic inflamation that sometimes has no known cause on the left side, both of which were true.  Antibiotics would clear mine up for a week or two but then the pain was right back.  But writing it up this way for the insurance company and not mentioning transgender would allow insurance to pay for it.  And they did.  Out of a several thousand dollar bill for surgery, a surgical theater and recovery, I think I paid less than $100.  Not a bad price considering a local doctor charges something like $5000 and doesn't take insurance!

The day of the surgery, we got there about 8:30, I was in for surgery 10:30, woke up in recovery around noon and leaving around 1.  I was hungry and not hurting so we stopped and got something to eat.  To go of course since I really wasn't up to going in for a sit down meal but we did sit at the table at home and eat with no problem.  Although I did sit down gingerly.  But I sat and ate before I went and laid down.  One thing that apparently comes with castration is leakage from the incision. You'll be wearing a maxipad for more than a week.  I really NEVER thought I would hear my wife ask me if I had check my maxi-pad and if there was too much blood, had I changed it?

Hormone Replacement Therapy

I started HRT on June 2 with estradiol twice a day for now.  I will see my endocrinologist in a couple of months at which point he will increase my dosage.  But it's amazing the effect the hormones have had in such a short time.  It's like my emotions have been unchained.

For many years I have buried my emotions deep within me and very little affected me other than occasional anger. Deaths of very close relatives were met with just the usual day to day feeling nothing.  A lot of that was caused by being my mother's caregiver in her home for years.  In an eight year period, I probably spent less than four weeks away from the house with the biggest break being a one week trip to Ireland.  So I learned to bury my emotions including my gender dysphoria and feel basically nothing.  I'm sure I was depressed during some of that time; I mean what do you have to look forward to when your day/week/year consists of getting someone up, making sure they get dressed, fixing breakfast, getting them settled, preparing lunch, getting them settled, cooking dinner, getting them settled and finally off to bed.  My wife was still in our home in another state working so she commuted on the weekends and would give me a little break from cooking.  Thankfully I am retired from an airline and she could fly space available.  And even after mom and my brother were gone, no emotions.  Until last fall and then it was a crash.  Now with HRT, the day seems brighter plus my wife says I am much happier and more affectionate.  It's made a BIG difference.