HRT Approved

I had an appointment yesterday, May 20, with a second endocrinologist.  Earlier this year, I was turned down by another doctor who gave me a bunch of BS reasons she wouldn't approve it.  I came home that day and was laying on the bed with a pillow over my head screaming and crying.  After that, I just laid and stared at the wall for three or four hours.  It was a very dark time for a week or two.  That changed yesterday.  I had a 2:30 appointment and was called back exactly at 2:30!  Yeah, I know.  Amazing, right?  The nurse took my vitals and very shortly, a younger doctor came in.  She told me she worked with the doctor I was seeing and she wanted to get some background.  She was looking through my file, mentioned the letter from my therapist also recommended an orchiectomy.  I told her it was already done on 4/26.  So she did some evaluation of my health, then went and talked to the main endocrinologist.  I told my wife I wasn't happy she didn't mention blood tests and didn't have a good feeling.  My wife simply said a prayer.  So the older doctor comes in with the one who had evaluated me.  He sits and talks for a couple of moments and says he sees no reason I shouldn't start HRT.  When I was turned down by the other doctor, I started crying in her office and when he said he was approving me, I started crying again although for a totally different reason.  We also talked about my therapist and he seems to have a very high opinion of her plus we talked about Southern Comfort Conference which he went to last year.  So anyway I had to go down stairs to the clinic for them to draw blood to check baseline hormone levels, check kidney and liver functions.  If everything comes back ok, he will send a prescription for estrogen to my pharmacy, probably the middle of next week.  I have had both kidney and liver function tests in the last six months so I know they will be ok.  So next week, God willing, I will be on a starting low dose HRT.  I see the endo again in four months and we will up the dosage.  Look out world!

Two Week Orchiectomy Update - Hot Flashes Are A Bitch!

Yes, the hot flashes have started and OMG!  I had one just before the start of church Sunday and one of my friends was laughing at me when she realized why I was fanning myself with the bulletin.  Anyway, I had my two week checkup yesterday and the doctor says I'm doing fine.  I have been so impressed with him.  He actually called and talked to Dr. Christine McGinn who is a GRS surgeon regarding how to do the incision.  He must have talked with her a while or done a lot of research because he talked about how the surgery is done.  Not many doctors would have done that for a patient.  I told him that I appreciated the fact he has treated me with dignity and respect, something transgender people don't always get.

Five Day Update On Orchiectomy

Five days and still almost no pain.   This evening I've had just a slight ache in the abdomen but no more than a 1.  Still a little watery leakage showing in the pad and I have to admit one thing I never thought I would hear my wife ask me is, "Have you checked your maxi pad and changed it?"  I don't know what the timing is but I'm pretty sure I had a testosterone crash on Friday.  I felt like a vampire had bit me in the neck sucking every bit of energy from my body and last night had a major hot flash.  I haven't noticed any emotional changes yet but I'm sure there will be because there are side effects with castration just like with anything else.

Orchiectomy Done

As of about 11AM yesterday morning, my body is only be producing about 5% of the testosterone it was producing.  The only testosterone being produced in my body is by my adrenal glands.  Testicles have gone bye-bye.  As in orchiectomy.  As in castration.  As in medical waste to go in the incinerator.  Surprisingly very little pain and what there is would be no more than a 3 on a 1-10 scale.

Update: 48 hours in and still no pain.  After thinking about what I said, I don't even think yesterday's was even a 3.  It was  really more like a discomfort than pain.

Coming Out to Family

Last week, on April 13th, my wife and I dropped a number of letters off at the Post Office.  The letters were to family around the country telling them of my upcoming transition and the responses have been positive with the exception of a couple of lukewarm but no negative...so far.  Also yesterday, Sunday, I had lunch with my cousin.  He and I are less than three months apart in age, spent a lot of our childhood together and have always been very close.  After lunch we walked out to the parking lot where I got a couple of things I needed to give him out along with the letter and handed it to him.  My hands were shaking as I handed it to him and he started reading.  About halfway through the first page, he looked at me and said, "You know, this explains a lot of things when we were kids."  As he was reading the second page, he said, "Why didn't you do this years ago?" When he finished reading, he hugged me and said, "You've always been a part of my life and you always will be."  Needless to say that was a huge relief to me.  We stood around talking for quite a while and before long, we were laughing and joking like we always do.  I got a second hug and I love you before we headed out.

Lukewarm responses came from my wife's sister who is also dealing with a trans grandchild.  And, to be honest, I was very happy to get a lukewarm response from my brother as I figured I would get a "go away and never talk to me again" response from him.  However, my niece (his daughter) said they called her to come over and read the letter.  She said after she read it, it was, "Okay, so what's the big deal?" and she called me last night just to say she loves me!  We also got a lovely response from my wife's youngest brother but we haven't heard from her oldest (a minister) or middle brother.

Most worrisome, however, is we haven't heard from our son and I'm just hoping that he is taking his time to think about it as I asked.  Time will tell.

We have now heard from everyone.  I got very nice letters from both my wife's oldest brother and her middle brother, both addressed to Bev and saying how they were surprised but understanding.  My wife got an e-mail from our son saying we raised him right and from his work in theater he had been exposed to as lot of diversity.

Decompression Sunday - A Morning Meeting Instead of Church

For the first Sunday in a long time, other than for illness, I didn't attend church.  The reason being last Sunday was the final service at our over 100 year old church.  The Presbytery of Greater Atlanta closed us because we had a small congregation and weren't "thriving" according to them.  And, unfortunately, in the Presbyterian Church, USA the Presbytery owns the property.  The thing I'm going to miss most, other than our beautiful sanctuary, is the acceptance.  That's because this is the church that accepted me as a member in 2000 despite knowing I am transgender.  It's also the church that ordained me as an Elder in 2001 despite knowing I'm transgender.

So today many of us met at a coffee shop around the corner from the church to kind of decompress.  I shared with everyone that we were getting ready to mail my coming out trans letter to family and of course got so much support and love.  I'm going to miss that also.

New Appointment

I have a new appointment with another endocrinologist for evaluation for HRT.  This doctor literally wrote the book.  I mean he literally co-wrote the book Endocrine Therapy for Transsexual Persons.  Hopefully he won't be as conservative as the previous doctor.  A friend of mine who is a nurse and a former patient of that doctor said she's cutting back getting ready to retire and cherry picking easy to manage patients.

On another note, I will be getting rid of testosterone for good.  My appointment with my urologist the other day, he has decided my orchalgia (pain in the left testicle) plus the extremely high cancer risk for my right testicle warrants an orchiectomy.  He does also have a letter from my therapist recommending the orchi.  I also told him at the appointment I had been in touch with a surgeon's office regarding future possibility of GRS.  I explained they recommended a horizontal incision and he thought for a few seconds then said he could understand  that to save the centerline.  The other thing I told him was the doctors office recommended he call them and he surprised me by agreeing.  He gave me his e-mail address to forward what the doctors office sent me.  I said after my first visit with him I really wasn't impressed but I did go back for a second visit and I'm glad I did.  I've been more and more impressed with him and his concern each visit.