Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas 

everyone!

A Wonderful Wife

As a transgender person, you know you have a great wife when hanging in your hall is your wedding photo with her in her white wedding dress and you in your tux.  While immediately under it is a picture of the two of you at another formal event many year later, her in a green velvet gown and you in a black evening gown with jacket.

National Coming Out Day

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day and I posted this elsewhere.  I thought I would share it here for others to read.

Well, it’s National Coming Out Day so I’ll tell the story of the first time I came out to anyone and other experiences. It was Thanksgiving weekend and my fiancée and I walked down to the river at the back of the apartment complex where she lived. We sat on the bank and talked for a few minutes before I got up the courage to tell her I am transgender. Oh, we didn’t have that word back then and I have no idea what words I used. I was more frightened than at any other time in my life so what I said, I have no idea. But I was convinced I would be told the wedding was off and she never wanted to see me again. Also, I was taking a huge chance because I was in the Navy at the time and some of my buddies were friends with her roommates. So if it became known to them and that got back to my command, I would have been given, at best, a general discharge rather than honorable discharge. But none of that happened. She asked me some questions and I seem to remember her saying something on the order of, “You’ll quit this after we’re married,” which of course I agreed to. (If you’re trans and reading this, you know how well that always works out!) Over the years we have adjusted with, to be honest, me gaining and her accepting those gains. Now we are at a point that I know she hoped would never come but I suspect she knew it would eventually happen with me beginning transition. Over the years in between, I came out to a few people who I knew were safe eventually progressing to the point where everyone I worked with knew I was trans.
So that brings me to this year. Early this year, we mailed coming out letters to family regarding my transition and the results were almost all positive. Oh, it took some people longer than others to come around and I’m sure there is still a lack of understanding. I received beautiful messages, all addressed to Beverly, from my wife’s brothers. One family member who is very important to me, I told in person, or rather gave him the letter in person because I didn’t trust myself to be able to get through an explanation. His response was classic. Halfway through the first page of the letter, he looked at me and said, “You know, this explains a lot from when we were kids.” Halfway through the second page, “Why didn’t you do this years ago?” After finishing the letter, he turned around, hugged me and told me, ‘I’ve always loved you and I always will.” We were standing in the parking lot of the restaurant where we had eaten lunch and we each headed our separate ways, I suspect more to make sure neither of us started crying more than anything else.
This doesn’t mean it’s all been perfect. One family member whom I love very much as cut off all contact with me. And it hurts. Oh, I know this person feels betrayed, feels I lied to them for years and I understand that, I really do. It doesn’t make it hurt less but I do understand and it doesn’t mean I love them any less. So for those who are on the verge of coming out, it may go great or there may be some rocks in the road. But remember, rocks in the road are as much a part of life as a smooth freeway. When you come out, prepare for the worst, hope for the best and accept anything in between.

A Different Vacation

During the years my wife and I took care of my mom, we rarely got a vacation.  Even when we did get one, many times it was just three or four days in a cabin in the mountains.  At the end of the month, we are heading for Fort Lauderdale for some fun times at Southern Comfort Transgender Conference.  I attended SC in 1997 and 1998 through 2002, I was a staff member of the conference when it was still held in Atlanta.  At that time, I facilitated, with a trans man, the Big Brother/Big Sister program which paired newcomers to the conference with experienced conference attendees.  In some cases, it was actually the first time out in public for some of the newcomers which was my situation in 1997.  There wasn't a program in 97 and it took me something like 2 hours and 5 attempts to even open the door and go down to register.  At the end of the conference there was a meeting for those who wanted to volunteer which I did.  A couple of months after that, I was asked by the conference chairperson to start the program which we originally were only aiming at trans women but then we added it for trans men also. 

Now, I'm going back to the conference as a trans woman beginning her transition rather than the part time person I was back then.  I'm so looking forward to seeing old friends and meeting new people like Sarah McBride who spoke at the DNC this year.  It's going to be an amazing week!

How I talked to the doctor about the orchiectomy

I realized I never talked about the initial conversation with my urologist about the orchiectomy.  He had been treating me for orchalgia (chronic testicle pain) and had done a nerve block to see if that would stop the pain.  The night of the nerve block I was saying crap that hurts but the next day was fine.  While it worked for a few weeks, the pain came back.  About a week or so after the nerve block I had my appointment with the therapist where she recommended the orchiectomy along with HRT.  She was going to recommend me to a surgeon here in town who will do the orchi with a therapists letter but I mentioned I wanted to approach my doctor first.  At the previous appointment he had said something about having to do a removal of part of the testicle if the pain persisted.  I made the comment that, at my age, I wasn't that worried about it which is when he said, "Yes but your wife still wants a husband, not a sister."  I was laughing so hard I was about to fall off the table and my wife was giggling.  So I decided to use that as my opening at the next appointment.  I asked if he remembered the remark and he said he did so I launched into my explanation of being trans and that my wife has long had a "sister" so to speak.  I told him the recommendation from my therapist for the orchiectomy and that she was going to refer me to another surgeon but I wanted to speak to him first.  We talked about it a little more and he agreed, with a letter from my therapist to do the surgery.  One thing we did talk about was insurance.  He said he would write it up as high cancer risk in the right side and a chronic epididymitis, a chronic inflamation that sometimes has no known cause on the left side, both of which were true.  Antibiotics would clear mine up for a week or two but then the pain was right back.  But writing it up this way for the insurance company and not mentioning transgender would allow insurance to pay for it.  And they did.  Out of a several thousand dollar bill for surgery, a surgical theater and recovery, I think I paid less than $100.  Not a bad price considering a local doctor charges something like $5000 and doesn't take insurance!

The day of the surgery, we got there about 8:30, I was in for surgery 10:30, woke up in recovery around noon and leaving around 1.  I was hungry and not hurting so we stopped and got something to eat.  To go of course since I really wasn't up to going in for a sit down meal but we did sit at the table at home and eat with no problem.  Although I did sit down gingerly.  But I sat and ate before I went and laid down.  One thing that apparently comes with castration is leakage from the incision. You'll be wearing a maxipad for more than a week.  I really NEVER thought I would hear my wife ask me if I had check my maxi-pad and if there was too much blood, had I changed it?

Hormone Replacement Therapy

I started HRT on June 2 with estradiol twice a day for now.  I will see my endocrinologist in a couple of months at which point he will increase my dosage.  But it's amazing the effect the hormones have had in such a short time.  It's like my emotions have been unchained.

For many years I have buried my emotions deep within me and very little affected me other than occasional anger. Deaths of very close relatives were met with just the usual day to day feeling nothing.  A lot of that was caused by being my mother's caregiver in her home for years.  In an eight year period, I probably spent less than four weeks away from the house with the biggest break being a one week trip to Ireland.  So I learned to bury my emotions including my gender dysphoria and feel basically nothing.  I'm sure I was depressed during some of that time; I mean what do you have to look forward to when your day/week/year consists of getting someone up, making sure they get dressed, fixing breakfast, getting them settled, preparing lunch, getting them settled, cooking dinner, getting them settled and finally off to bed.  My wife was still in our home in another state working so she commuted on the weekends and would give me a little break from cooking.  Thankfully I am retired from an airline and she could fly space available.  And even after mom and my brother were gone, no emotions.  Until last fall and then it was a crash.  Now with HRT, the day seems brighter plus my wife says I am much happier and more affectionate.  It's made a BIG difference.

What A Birthday Present!

My birthday was Thursday, 7/28.  I got a lot of wonderful gifts from my wife, a couple of nice tops and some beautiful skirts along with three very nice rings.  But the most wonderful gift was totally unexpected.  I would NEVER in my life have thought I would hear a woman stand in front of the Democratic National Convention, or any political convention for that matter, and proclaim, "I am a proud transgender American!"  I've had some great birthdays in the past but listening to Sarah McBride speak to the DNC made Thursday the greatest birthday of my life!  Maybe the first birthday after GRS will match this but nothing will ever top it.

On another note, there were twenty-eight trans delegates at the DNC and none that I know of at the RNC.  There were even only 18 African American delegates at the RNC.  So if diversity is important to you, then you know where to find it.  I'm proud to say I've personally known one of the delegates 19 years, another 18 years.  A third is a Facebook friend at her request.  So I knew about 10 percent of the trans delegates.  I feel I'm getting back into the community and maybe in a year I will be back where I was.

Update on coming out to family

As I noted before, my wife and I sent out letters to family and friends regarding my upcoming transition.  I said I got a lukewarm response from my wife's sister but that only lasted a day.  After that, she was fine which I thought would happen since her grandchild is transitioning female to male.  I also said I got a lukewarm response from my brother.  Well, the text message was actually from my brothers wife.  I have since found out my brother will not acknowledge me or talk about it at all.  To be honest, knowing my brother, this is exactly what I expected.  My sister-in-law said it may take him a long time to come around if he ever does.  Oh well, time will tell.

HRT Approved

I had an appointment yesterday, May 20, with a second endocrinologist.  Earlier this year, I was turned down by another doctor who gave me a bunch of BS reasons she wouldn't approve it.  I came home that day and was laying on the bed with a pillow over my head screaming and crying.  After that, I just laid and stared at the wall for three or four hours.  It was a very dark time for a week or two.  That changed yesterday.  I had a 2:30 appointment and was called back exactly at 2:30!  Yeah, I know.  Amazing, right?  The nurse took my vitals and very shortly, a younger doctor came in.  She told me she worked with the doctor I was seeing and she wanted to get some background.  She was looking through my file, mentioned the letter from my therapist also recommended an orchiectomy.  I told her it was already done on 4/26.  So she did some evaluation of my health, then went and talked to the main endocrinologist.  I told my wife I wasn't happy she didn't mention blood tests and didn't have a good feeling.  My wife simply said a prayer.  So the older doctor comes in with the one who had evaluated me.  He sits and talks for a couple of moments and says he sees no reason I shouldn't start HRT.  When I was turned down by the other doctor, I started crying in her office and when he said he was approving me, I started crying again although for a totally different reason.  We also talked about my therapist and he seems to have a very high opinion of her plus we talked about Southern Comfort Conference which he went to last year.  So anyway I had to go down stairs to the clinic for them to draw blood to check baseline hormone levels, check kidney and liver functions.  If everything comes back ok, he will send a prescription for estrogen to my pharmacy, probably the middle of next week.  I have had both kidney and liver function tests in the last six months so I know they will be ok.  So next week, God willing, I will be on a starting low dose HRT.  I see the endo again in four months and we will up the dosage.  Look out world!

Two Week Orchiectomy Update - Hot Flashes Are A Bitch!

Yes, the hot flashes have started and OMG!  I had one just before the start of church Sunday and one of my friends was laughing at me when she realized why I was fanning myself with the bulletin.  Anyway, I had my two week checkup yesterday and the doctor says I'm doing fine.  I have been so impressed with him.  He actually called and talked to Dr. Christine McGinn who is a GRS surgeon regarding how to do the incision.  He must have talked with her a while or done a lot of research because he talked about how the surgery is done.  Not many doctors would have done that for a patient.  I told him that I appreciated the fact he has treated me with dignity and respect, something transgender people don't always get.

Five Day Update On Orchiectomy

Five days and still almost no pain.   This evening I've had just a slight ache in the abdomen but no more than a 1.  Still a little watery leakage showing in the pad and I have to admit one thing I never thought I would hear my wife ask me is, "Have you checked your maxi pad and changed it?"  I don't know what the timing is but I'm pretty sure I had a testosterone crash on Friday.  I felt like a vampire had bit me in the neck sucking every bit of energy from my body and last night had a major hot flash.  I haven't noticed any emotional changes yet but I'm sure there will be because there are side effects with castration just like with anything else.

Orchiectomy Done

As of about 11AM yesterday morning, my body is only be producing about 5% of the testosterone it was producing.  The only testosterone being produced in my body is by my adrenal glands.  Testicles have gone bye-bye.  As in orchiectomy.  As in castration.  As in medical waste to go in the incinerator.  Surprisingly very little pain and what there is would be no more than a 3 on a 1-10 scale.

Update: 48 hours in and still no pain.  After thinking about what I said, I don't even think yesterday's was even a 3.  It was  really more like a discomfort than pain.

Coming Out to Family

Last week, on April 13th, my wife and I dropped a number of letters off at the Post Office.  The letters were to family around the country telling them of my upcoming transition and the responses have been positive with the exception of a couple of lukewarm but no negative...so far.  Also yesterday, Sunday, I had lunch with my cousin.  He and I are less than three months apart in age, spent a lot of our childhood together and have always been very close.  After lunch we walked out to the parking lot where I got a couple of things I needed to give him out along with the letter and handed it to him.  My hands were shaking as I handed it to him and he started reading.  About halfway through the first page, he looked at me and said, "You know, this explains a lot of things when we were kids."  As he was reading the second page, he said, "Why didn't you do this years ago?" When he finished reading, he hugged me and said, "You've always been a part of my life and you always will be."  Needless to say that was a huge relief to me.  We stood around talking for quite a while and before long, we were laughing and joking like we always do.  I got a second hug and I love you before we headed out.

Lukewarm responses came from my wife's sister who is also dealing with a trans grandchild.  And, to be honest, I was very happy to get a lukewarm response from my brother as I figured I would get a "go away and never talk to me again" response from him.  However, my niece (his daughter) said they called her to come over and read the letter.  She said after she read it, it was, "Okay, so what's the big deal?" and she called me last night just to say she loves me!  We also got a lovely response from my wife's youngest brother but we haven't heard from her oldest (a minister) or middle brother.

Most worrisome, however, is we haven't heard from our son and I'm just hoping that he is taking his time to think about it as I asked.  Time will tell.

We have now heard from everyone.  I got very nice letters from both my wife's oldest brother and her middle brother, both addressed to Bev and saying how they were surprised but understanding.  My wife got an e-mail from our son saying we raised him right and from his work in theater he had been exposed to as lot of diversity.

Decompression Sunday - A Morning Meeting Instead of Church

For the first Sunday in a long time, other than for illness, I didn't attend church.  The reason being last Sunday was the final service at our over 100 year old church.  The Presbytery of Greater Atlanta closed us because we had a small congregation and weren't "thriving" according to them.  And, unfortunately, in the Presbyterian Church, USA the Presbytery owns the property.  The thing I'm going to miss most, other than our beautiful sanctuary, is the acceptance.  That's because this is the church that accepted me as a member in 2000 despite knowing I am transgender.  It's also the church that ordained me as an Elder in 2001 despite knowing I'm transgender.

So today many of us met at a coffee shop around the corner from the church to kind of decompress.  I shared with everyone that we were getting ready to mail my coming out trans letter to family and of course got so much support and love.  I'm going to miss that also.

New Appointment

I have a new appointment with another endocrinologist for evaluation for HRT.  This doctor literally wrote the book.  I mean he literally co-wrote the book Endocrine Therapy for Transsexual Persons.  Hopefully he won't be as conservative as the previous doctor.  A friend of mine who is a nurse and a former patient of that doctor said she's cutting back getting ready to retire and cherry picking easy to manage patients.

On another note, I will be getting rid of testosterone for good.  My appointment with my urologist the other day, he has decided my orchalgia (pain in the left testicle) plus the extremely high cancer risk for my right testicle warrants an orchiectomy.  He does also have a letter from my therapist recommending the orchi.  I also told him at the appointment I had been in touch with a surgeon's office regarding future possibility of GRS.  I explained they recommended a horizontal incision and he thought for a few seconds then said he could understand  that to save the centerline.  The other thing I told him was the doctors office recommended he call them and he surprised me by agreeing.  He gave me his e-mail address to forward what the doctors office sent me.  I said after my first visit with him I really wasn't impressed but I did go back for a second visit and I'm glad I did.  I've been more and more impressed with him and his concern each visit.

I was turned down by the endocrinologist for HRT.

 She cited my age as the main factor and some familial factors as secondary.  The thing is, the familial factors she cited were just so much BS.  Yes, my father died of a heart attack but it was during surgery for cancer and was his third surgery in a year.  My middle brother died of what we think was a heart attack but not sure.  However he was born premature, in bad health as a child, was never expected to live to be an adult and it's amazing he lived as long as he did. So like I said it was just so much BS.  I have friends who are both trans and quite knowledgeable on HRT from a scientific end and they agree.  So my therapist has already faxed another recommendation letter to another endo here.  He actually co-wrote the book on endocrine therapy for transgender people so I'm going to get a second opinion from him.  There is also the option of informed consent.  My wife is bound and determined, come hell or high water, we are going to find a way for me to begin HRT.

My brain is running a thousand miles a minute

I am at the same time, excited and terrified.  I have my first appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow and my emotions are all over the place.  I am of course excited and one line from the Phil Collins song, In the Air keeps going through my head.  "Well I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord."  At the same time I'm terrified.  This is a big step for both Dee and myself.  Plus what if the blood  tests find some reason I shouldn't be on HRT?  Would I be able to live with that disappointment?  I don't know.  I just don't know.  I'm trying to think positive but that thought just keeps nagging me.

Urologist Update

Well, I had the talk with my urologist yesterday and he seemed quite knowledgeable regarding transgender.  Makes me wonder if he has trans patients.  He asked some pertinent questions, who was my endo, had I thought about any surgeons yet, etc.  I told him who my endo is and told him I was thinking about McGinn in Pennsylvania or Marci Bowers in California.  So the final result of the appointment is, with a letter from my therapist, he will do the orchiectomy.  Plus since he's treating me for orchalgia (pain) on the left side and because of the 10X greater risk for cancer right side due to undescended testicle that has reascended, he will use these as the diagnosis for removal so Medicare and my insurance will pay for it.

When he was asking me the questions he was sitting sort of behind me at the computer.  My wife said as we were driving home he seemed impressed that I was answering the questions quickly and knew what I was talking about.  I kind of laughed and asked her how many friends we've had that transitioned.  I said she could have answered his questions instead of me.

Urologist Appointment Monday - Orchiectomy?

I see my urologist on Monday for the first time since my therapist recommended HRT.  One thing she also recommended was an orchiectomy (castration) so that, due to my age, I don't have to take anti-androgens like spirolactone or finasteride along with estrogen and, maybe, progesterone.  She said she could refer me, with a letter, to a surgeon here in town who does orchis for trans people.  I told her what I would do first is talk to my urologist, since he has been treating me for orchalgia (testicular pain) and my insurance should cover it as an ongoing problem.  Plus I have a 10X risk of testicular cancer on one side and medical protocol calls for it to be removed.  If he's reluctant, then my therapist can refer me to the other surgeon.

My main thought is how to open the conversation with him.  When he did the nerve block back in December he mentioned removal if it didn't work.  I said something then about me not not being bothered removal and he said, "Yes, but your wife still wants a husband, not a sister."  Of course both of us burst into laughter and he was looking at my wife and I like we were crazy.  So I may start out with mentioning his joke, then moving into talking about seeing a gender therapist and go from there about HRT.  Wish me luck.

An Interesting Day

I attended a panel discussion called Striking A Balance - A conversation on balancing civil rights and religious freedom.  It was held at the Center for Civil and Human Rights sponsored by their LGBT Institute.  A couple of the speakers were Wade Henderson, CEO of the Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights along with Richard Cohen CEO of the Southern Poverty Law Center.  There was a discussion on the fact that many of the bills in the Georgia Legislature are supposedly about religious rights and the fact that some of these bills if they became law would protect the KKK because it claims it's a Christian organization.  Mr. Cohen pointed out that the most danger though was not from hate groups like the KKK, it was from the haters in business suits in the legislature.  The second panel consisted of state leaders including Jerry Gonzalez of Georgia Association of Latino Elected Officials, Monica Simpson of Sister Song, Stephanie Cho of Asian Americans Advancing Justice and Francys Johnson, the state president of the GA chapter of the NAACP.  Probably the most significant remarks came from Mr. Johnson that combining interests of many groups helps fight bigotry more than opposing as individual groups.  As he said, "We were never interested in saving just one room in the house.  We are interested in saving the whole house."

I was privileged to meet three local transwomen, a local transman with HRC and of course my friend Rev. Dr. Erin was there.  It was a great day.

Taking Down the Laundry

My wife and I were just downstairs in the laundry room getting the hang dry items to bring upstairs and putting the sheets in the wash.  As my wife is taking down the panties from the hangers where we put them to dry, she cast kind of a baleful eye at me and said, "You know it's a shame when you have more panties than I do...and prettier!"

Reconnecting With the Transgender Community

Several years ago, I was pretty well known nationwide and in a few instances, worldwide in the transgender community.  Oh not because I was an activist or anything.  I was a staff member of one of the largest transgender conferences in the world and I dealt with newcomers to the conference.  It was my job to help make sure they had a good time and if they needed assistance, they had a Big Brother or Sister to guide them.  Then my mother started developing dementia and I put everything on hold to become her caregiver.  For over eight years, I did nothing but care for her and my disabled brother.  In eight years, I had basically about two or maybe as much as three weeks of time off.  Total!  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining because I feel good that I kept her out off a nursing home for that time.  After my brother and my mom passed away, I just more or less decompressed for a couple of years.  However during all those years, I pretty much lost contact with everyone I had known in the community except for a couple of people. 

Several years ago I established a Facebook account but I did very little with it up until November when I started posting on it regularly.  One thing it has helped me do is establish contact with a lot of the people I knew back then.  People who were really close friends until I more or less disappeared on them.  And that's allowed me to find some e-mail addresses of other people who aren't on FB. I was wondering if any of them would even remember me and I've been surprised.  So many of them have expressed happiness at reconnecting with me.  I also reconnected with someone who was one of my newcomers quite a few years ago and is now one of the best known transgender advocates in the country.  I'm very proud of her and I guess I kind of know how a proud mom feels when one of her kids becomes someone famous.

Thoughts on The Danish Girl (Warning - Spoilers)

Seldom is someone able to actually picture themselves in a movie.  Unless you're one of the rare individuals who has been a fighter pilot, you can't really know what it's like to fly a Tomcat in Top Gun.  And no matter how great your imagination, that's all it will ever be, imagining, when you watch the Star Wars movies.  But for many of us, The Danish Girl is different. This is a movie a lot of us have lived or are currently living.

I admit I kind of laughed when Einar was walking through the theater and feeling the material of the costumes.  I thought how many times have I followed my wife through the ladies clothing in Sears, Macy's or another department store with my hand down to my side feeling the soft materials.  As Einar became Lili more and more, I cried because I saw so much of me in Lili.  When Gerda is crying and telling Lili she needs to speak to her husband, I cried for my wife who over the next few months will be watching her husband fade slowly away and her new wife take his place.   I cried for the love Gerda and Lili shared just like the love my wife and I share.  The love of my wife to stay with me through transition from male to female, the transition from married heterosexual couple to married lesbian couple.  Gerda and Lili were not allowed to stay married at that time but thankfully my wife and I are.  That's what is so great about this movie for many of us who are transgender.  We don't have to imagine what it's like to be the protagonist, we either are or have been Lili.  Just as Gerda and Lili were forced to have their marriage annulled, many of us have lost loved ones due to transition.  Just as Gerda's love for Lili lasted past their annulment, some of our relationships have lasted as we transition.

So as I said, we don't have to use our imaginations with The Danish Girl, we understand Lili's feelings.  We are Lili and it's not a movie to us.  It is our real life.

Sometimes Emotions Just Have To Come Out

Five days before my first therapy appointment was a really bad day.  First I read a post on Facebook where a trans woman was talking about a man she had known and the things he had done.  At first it sounded like it might be memories of her father or something similar.  But then she talked about how he had loved her enough to let her be herself and that was when you started realizing she was writing about her previous male life.  It was so beautifully written it brought me to tears.  Then later that evening for no reason at all, I was in tears again.  Two or three times that evening my wife kept asking me what was wrong and I just kept saying it's a bad night, it's a bad night.  Around 11PM I was laying on the bed and my wife sat down on the edge of the bed.  "Tell me what's wrong."  Suddenly before I knew it I was rolled up in a ball on the bed, pillow over my head sobbing and screaming, "I'm sorry," over and over.  My therapist asked me the next week what I was sorry for and I told her I didn't know unless I was just saying I was sorry for me being me.  Anyway, when I calmed down that night, my wife confessed that she was feeling guilty because I was so unhappy.  She felt it was her fault thinking she was responsible for me not transitioning at an earlier time.  At least if nothing else happened that evening, I got rid of some emotion and I was able to convince her it was not her fault.

I Have An HRT Appointment

Tuesday my therapist and I wrote my HRT letter and faxed it to the endocrinologist I've chosen.  Wednesday I called to make an appointment but the doctors appointment person was busy and I had to leave a message.  Yesterday morning I got a call back from the office and I was very pleased with the person who called.  First she was very pleasant and asked if I preferred to be called by my male name or by Beverly.  She went through everything about the appointment and then told me she wanted to mail out a registration packet for new patients.  You know, all that paperwork you have to fill out at every new doctor's office?  Then she asked is it OK to mail this to your home or will that create problems?  No, no problems, send it here.  Next she asked about leaving messages on the phone.  Would that create any problems?  No, that won't be a problem either.  Finally she said the first appointment available was March 8th at 2:30PM.  Two months from today, I have an appointment with my endo for HRT!!!!!!!!!!  This is really happening!  I guess you could say I've been waiting for this my entire life or at least since I was four.  It still seems like a dream.